This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has neverhad the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out.She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back.Saturday, he is in such bad shape that hecan't make it through twenty minutes without either puking or shitting.

After several hours of this, he is able to stop puking, but he is stillrunning to the toilet every 20 minutes to shit.

He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride).

They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizersto use the bathroom.They enjoy the rest of the appetizers withoutinterruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees.Theydecide to get dessert.During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, butdoesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it.After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gasstored up.He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at thetable (discreetly, of course).

Unfortunately, this little bit of gas camewith another little surprise.'Oh shit,' he thinks (and feels).Instead ofrunning to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on thearms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise.He maintains thisyogaposition for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do beforehis tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant.Oh, by theway, he is walking like a cowboy.

On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.'Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?' he asks.'No problem, I'd like to look around too,' she replies.They go into the Gap.Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions areon the right, women's fashions are on the left.They split up.

Our hero grabsthe first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis.Afterselecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he bringsboth items to the register.His eyes are on his date (still on theother side of thestore) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants.Hedoesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in casehis date can read lips from 40 feet away) 'Just the pants.''What?' asks the Gap girl.'Just the pants!'(Eyes still trained on his date.)Gap girl:'Oh, OK.' He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave thestore.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and findtwo seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himselfand walks to the bathroom in the back of the car.He gets to the bathroom asthe train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts.Herolls them into a ball and throws them out the window.After cleaninghimself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...just the sweater.

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN THIS SITUATION.

As you must have realized, the only solution is to wear the sweater aspants.So he squeezes his legs into the arms of the sweater and pulls therest of the fabric tight around his waist.He can only keep himselfcovered by hunching over.Walking will be a new challenge altogether.Rather than going through the absolute trauma of returning to his seatand explaining (or creating an elaborate lie to explain) the entire incident,our hero waits in the bathroom until the train stops at the next station.He waits until the moment the train starts to pull away from thestation, then dashes out of the bathroom (as quickly as a hunched over cowboywith sweater pants can dash) and jumps off the train.He is lost andstranded somewhere between New York City and Westchester.He hasn't seen the girl since.